Michael looked up at the nighttime sky. He’d been so certain Josie was the answer to his prayers. Had he misheard God? Or was he so blindsided by his own desires he’d interpreted God’s guiding to suit his own wishes?

Sitting down on the backyard swing, Michael released a fierce sigh, suddenly feeling a sharp pain in his side. But as harrowing as this spasm was, he knew it would be nothing compared to the pain he would feel if he lost custody of Sharla.

He needed to hear Sharla’s voice.

By the time he reached the back patio, the pain had subsided to a mere ache. The doctor had warned he would be stiff and sore for a few days, but that he would feel better by the end of the week, if he was careful not to overdo. He had every intention of following orders, because he needed to be in top mental and physical shape in order to convince the court he was real daddy material.

Michael glanced at the clock. It was after nine o’clock, a little later than he usually called to wish Sharla sweet dreams. Being a summer night, though, he was certain she would still be awake.

Sharla answered on the first ring. “I knew your ring,” she said, then giggled before Michael could even say hello.

“You did? I think you’re pulling my leg. You looked at the caller ID box and saw my number.” The cheerful play temporarily eased Michael’s mind.

“No, I didn’t.” Sharla giggled again. “But Grandma did.”

“You didn’t fool me.” He imagined her sitting on the living room couch with bare feet and her just-showered hair dripping on fresh cotton pajamas. He could almost smell the baby shampoo and the lavender soap she loved.

Every day, he missed her more. Months before Denise’s death, Sharla had moved in with him when her mother’s addiction prevented her from properly taking care of her child. The bond between Michael and Sharla had deepened quickly during those days as he’d sheltered the child from her mother’s ugly habit. He wanted Sharla home yesterday.

“Daddy?” she asked. The endearment pierced his heart, as he knew what she was going to ask before she spoke.

“Yes, sweetheart, what is it?” His heart rate quickened and his palms grew clammy.

“When can I come home?”

Michael squeezed the telephone cord tightly. He would never forget the day he’d told Sharla she would have to live with her grandmother until the judge decided whether her permanent home would be with him or Eddie. Even though her grandmother’s home was only a half hour drive away, she had clung to him and cried until his heart broke.

“You’ll be home soon. In the meantime, I want you to have fun with your grandmother.” He wanted to promise her she would be home, sleeping in her sunshine-yellow bedroom at the top of the stairs by the end of summer, but he knew better than to assure her of things he had no control over.

“This summer is going to fly by. That I can promise you,” he said.

“It’s already going fast,” Sharla said, indicating her fears had been temporarily appeased. Unfortunately, her blind faith only made Michael more anxious. Sharla was counting on him, trusting him with her heart, and he couldn’t let her down.

Somehow, someway, he would gain custody of her. Even if it meant begging Josie to marry him.

Fearing Michael might follow her, Josie had slipped into the shadow of a large oak tree and had waited while he searched the dimly lit yard. Her breaths had come so loud and fast she’d been certain he would hear her. But after a few minutes, he’d turned and walked away.

He’d let her go without a fight. Just like he’d let her go seven years ago. It was good to be reminded certain things had not changed and never would.

Eager to avoid her mother’s curiosity, she’d quietly entered the house and tiptoed up the stairway. Once in her bedroom, she’d undressed in the dark and slipped under the covers. Only a few minutes had passed when Sarah knocked on her door.

A thin ray of hall light branded the darkness as Sarah opened the door a crack.

“Are you all right, dear?” her mother whispered.

“I’m just exhausted. The jet lag has caught up with me and plowed me down.” Josie crossed her fingers, hoping Sarah would accept the excuse without question.

“Michael said to thank you and to let you know he’s going to be fine. He’ll be stiff and sore for a couple of days, but he should be back to a normal schedule by the end of the week.”

“You had a nice visit then?” Sarah gently probed.

“Very nice.” Josie responded with enough enthusiasm to please her mother. “I’m really beat. Do you think we could talk in the morning?”

“Of course, dear. I’m just so thrilled to have you home.”

“And I’m so glad to be here.” Josie hated shutting her mother out. She would have loved to chat until the early morning hours as they usually did on her first night home. But Sarah would want to know all about her talk with Michael, and that was a topic she intended to avoid.

Sarah paused at the door. “Love you.”

“Love you, too.”

Josie waited ten minutes before turning on the bedside lamp. How could she sleep when Michael had asked her to marry him?

If her mother ever found out there’d been a second proposal…

It should have been so simple. When Michael had said he needed her to marry him, she should have said no. She didn’t love him anymore, and she hadn’t loved him in a long time.

But the situation wasn’t that simple. And what he couldn’t know is that her indecision had little to do with what they had once felt for each other and everything to do with a little girl she had failed.

Logically, she knew helping Sharla wouldn’t make up for Angelina’s death. However, her heart believed otherwise. Ironically, she’d come home seeking peace between herself and God, with the hope of finally putting to rest her insatiable need to help every needy child she met as a means of personal restitution.

When Josie closed her eyes, she saw Angelina’s wide smile. She heard her merry laughter. She smelled her favorite peppermint candy. After six months, the images of the little girl she’d fought so hard to save were still laden with pain.

Kneeling at the side of her bed, in the exact spot where she’d prayed as a child, she talked to God.

Lord, please give me the courage to say no.

Maybe this was some kind of test.

Feeling a measure of strength, Josie dressed, then sneaked out of the house.

As she knocked on the front door a second time that night, Josie couldn’t help but reflect on how she’d once considered this white clapboard house a second home.

Michael answered the door quickly. “I just happened to look out the window and see you cross the driveway,” he explained, as if he’d guessed what she was thinking. There’d been a time when they’d been so in sync that they had finished each other’s sentences and had known without looking when the other had entered or left a room.

Without a word, Josie headed straight for the living room where only a small lamp burned. In the dim light, she wouldn’t be able to read the emotion on Michael’s face. She could tell him no and leave without feeling guilty.

This is not my problem, she reminded herself. Michael is a capable man. God will help him find another way to gain custody of Sharla.

“There’s no use putting this off,” Josie began.

Michael switched on a bright floor lamp, and with the harsh light, her resolve wavered. Behind the hope lurking in his eyes, she sensed a bitter anger waiting to explode.

“You need more time to think this over,” Michael insisted.

“No, time isn’t going to change my mind. You’ll find a way to help Sharla.”

“You don’t understand. There isn’t any other way. You are the only person who can help us. And unless you marry me, who knows what will happen?”

The anguish in his voice clawed at her heart. She could only imagine how desperate he had to be to ask her to marry him. He’d never been a man to act on impulse or whimsy. He was the most logical and dependable man she’d ever known, and he would never have suggested such a preposterous idea unless it was his last resort.