Contents Foreword Bokerah Brumley Martian Chicken Man L. Jagi Lamplighter Frozen Chicken Master Joshua M. Young Spacer Williams’ Chicken Dawn Witzke A Murder Most Fowl Grace Bridges A Chicken for Miss Cuthbert Jane Lebak Things with Wings John M. Olsen Stray Thoughts Clair W. Kiernan Inspection Report Bokerah Brumley Field Trip Chicken J. F. Posthumus The Chicken of Doom J. Trevor Robinson Clucking in the Dark Cedar Sanderson The Great Chicken Escape Margo Bond Collins Chickening Out Karina Fabian Motherclucker Amber Draeger It Clucked Grace Bridges PŪKEKO: The Blue Swamp Hen J. D. Beckwith A Few Good Hens Karina Fabian Home Improvements Richard Paolinelli Barn Wars Denton Salle Chicken Dance Abigail Falanga Free Range J. A. Campanile Korion the Unclean David Millican The Great Chicken Escapade Bokerah Brumley Chicken Magic Thank You “Martian Chicken Man” by Bokerah Brumley. Copyright © 2020 by Bokerah Brumley. “Frozen Chicken Master” by L. Jagi Lamplighter. Copyright © 2020 by L. Jagi Lamplighter. “Spacer Williams’ Chicken” by Joshua M. Young. Copyright © 2020 by Joshua M. Young. “A Murder Most Fowl” by Dawn Witzke. Copyright © 2020 by Dawn Witzke. “A Chicken for Miss Cuthbert: An Earthcore Story” by Grace Bridges. Copyright © 2020 by Grace Bridges. “Things with Wings” by Jane Lebak. Copyright © 2020 by Jane Lebak. “Stray Thoughts” by John M. Olsen. Copyright © 2020 by John M. Olsen. “Inspection Report” by Clair W. Kiernan. Copyright © 2020 by Clair W. Kiernan. “Field Trip Chicken” by Bokerah Brumley. Copyright © 2018 by Bokerah Brumley. “The Chicken of Doom” by J. F. Posthumus. Copyright © 2020 by J. F. Posthumus. “Clucking in the Dark: the 100% ‘True’ Story of How the High Park Capybaras Escaped” by J. Trevor Robinson. Copyright © 2020 by J. Trevor Robinson. “The Great Chicken Escape” by Cedar Sanderson. Copyright © 2020 by Cedar Sanderson. “Chickening Out: A Shifters United Story” by Margo Bond Collins. Copyright © 2020 by Margo Bond Collins. “Motherclucker: A Space Traipse: Hold My Beer Story” by Karina Fabian. Copyright © 2020 by Karina Fabian. “It Clucked.” by Amber Draeger. Copyright © 2020 by Amber Draeger. “PŪKEKO, The Blue Swamp Hen: An Earthcore Story” by Grace Bridges. Copyright © 2020 by Grace Bridges. “A Few Good Hens” by J. D. Beckwith. Copyright © 2020 by J. D. Beckwith. “Home Improvements” by Karina Fabian. Copyright © 2020 by Karina Fabian. “Barn Wars: the Rise of Brooster Motherclucker” by Richard Paolinelli. Copyright © 2020 by Richard Paolinelli. “Chicken Dance” by Denton Salle. Copyright © 2020 by Denton Salle. “Free Range” by Abigail Falanga. Copyright © 2020 by Abigail Falanga. “Korion the Unclean” by J. A. Campanile. Copyright © 2020 by J. A. Campanile. “The Great Chicken Escapade” by David Millican. Copyright © 2020 by David Millican. “Chicken Magic” by Bokerah Brumley. Copyright © 2020 by Bokerah Brumley. Cover Design by Elizabeth Constantopoulos Proofreading by Grace Bridges www.gracebridges.kiwi Formatting by Jennifer Laslie The stories in this book are works of fiction. The characters, locales, events, dialogue, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead or undead, or actual events is purely coincidental. All stories in this work are the Copyright of their authors as noted. The “Cracked” anthology as a whole is Copyright © 2020 to Bokerah Brumley DBA as “Joyful Peacock Press.” The publisher does not claim any rights to the Copyright or intellectual property of any of the works contributed to this anthology. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law. Published by Bokerah Brumley, P.O. Box 367 Cisco, Texas 76437 www.bokerah.com www.superbokerah.com Foreword Bokerah Brumley What do you do during lockdown? As an entire nation, I think none of us knew until we were there in the middle of doing what needed to be done. Reality turned somber and heavy really quickly for many of us. I reside on a farm in the middle of a sparsely populated county. Homeschooling is a way of life for us. In everything, our manner of living did not change all that much from March 2020 onward, but I struggled. Not so much with toilet paper or supplies. But I struggled mightily with the weight of what-if… On one side, we had the economic crash. On the other, the heightened awareness of germs/viruses and how these things spread whether we intend them to or not. It was a lot then. It’s still a lot now. But writers’ brains never rest. In April 2020, for the first time, putting together the chicken anthology that I had always planned to do “someday” seemed like a good idea. I thought maybe I’d gone a bit cracked. I consulted with the hens, and they agreed. So, I put the idea out there, thinking nobody would take it seriously. Yet feathers flew! So many authors were so excited about the chicken idea and, for some, it was the first time they’d written in months. For others, it made them laugh in the middle of dismal day job issues or the heaviness of dealing with a shut-down. I’ve never gotten so much positivity so quickly. That’s when I knew. WE HAD TO DO IT! So, I spoke with an incredible cover designer friend, Elizabeth. (To know her is to love her!) Not only is she an incredible writer, she’s a fabulous designer. She made this amazing book cover, and the project moved forward. At long last, here we are. We’ve reached the finish line, and this half-baked idea is going out into the world. Thanks for being here with us! We have SO MANY ideas in here… chickens on Mars, chicken shifters, alien chickens, magic chickens, chicken houses, and all the mythical chickens in between. We even have a couple of mostly true tales toward the end. Keep reading! We’ve got something for everyone, and some things that will surprise you. Above all, I hope CRACKED cracks you up, too! ~Bokerah Chicken Curator Martian Chicken Man Bokerah Brumley Martian Chicken Man Bokerah Brumley Harmony Settlement, Habitation Module 21.5 Mars Test Colony, Tharsis Region Local: Sol 1864 Earth: 30 June 2075 Salvador Reyes, Mission Specialist—or Sallie to his friends—stirred a pile of dehydrated compost beneath the glare of the grow lights,